We all know that inner voice—the one that criticises and knocks us down, telling us we’re not doing enough or we’re not good enough. This voice may have come from experiences early in life, but it sticks with us as we grow. Over time, it can make us feel anxious, unworthy, or stuck in a negative cycle.
But, it’s important to know that you don’t have to live with that voice running the show. You can change your relationship with your inner critic and bring in something much healthier: self-compassion.
1. Noticing Your Inner Critic
The first step is simply noticing that critical voice when it shows up. Often, we’re so used to it that it feels like a normal part of our thinking. Pay attention to when it pops up—maybe it’s after a mistake, a tough day, or when you’re feeling vulnerable. Just being aware of it is a big step.
2. Understanding Where It Comes From
That inner critic didn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s often shaped by early influences like parents, teachers, or even society’s standards. It may have been there to protect us, but it’s no longer helpful. Recognising its origin can help us distance ourselves from it.
3. Turning to Self-Compassion
Instead of letting that critical voice take over, it’s time to offer yourself some kindness. Self-compassion isn’t about being easy on yourself or avoiding responsibility. It’s about understanding that we all struggle, and you deserve the same support you’d give to a friend in need. It’s a much kinder, more productive way to handle life’s ups and downs.
4. Self-Care vs. Self-Compassion
While self-care is about doing things to help yourself feel better, like taking a relaxing bath or getting some fresh air, self-compassion goes deeper. It’s about how you talk to yourself in tough moments. It’s the difference between thinking “I can’t believe I messed up again” and “It’s okay to make mistakes; I’m doing the best I can.”
5. Making Self-Compassion a Habit
This isn’t something that changes overnight, but with practice, it becomes easier. When you catch yourself being harsh or judgmental, try to switch gears and be more supportive of yourself. It might feel strange at first, but over time, you’ll notice the shift.
6. Why It’s Worth It
Learning to quiet your inner critic isn’t just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about long-term well-being. Research shows that being more compassionate toward yourself can lower stress, anxiety, and even improve physical health. It gives you the mental space to grow and thrive, rather than feeling weighed down by negativity.
Resources
Apps:
- Insight Timer: This app offers a range of free meditations focused on self-compassion, mindfulness, and healing.
- Calm: A meditation app that includes guided meditations on self-compassion and reducing negative self-talk.
Books:
- Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown