Many of us go through life carrying tension we hardly notice. Over time, our bodies can become so used to stress that it starts to feel normal. We might call it “just being busy,” “anxious,” or “wired,” but beneath it all, our nervous systems can end up stuck in survival mode.

When that happens, our bodies stay on high alert, ready to react, even when there’s no real danger. It’s a system designed to protect us, but if it’s switched on too often, it can leave us feeling exhausted, unwell, or disconnected from ourselves and others.

One of the hardest things is that being in survival mode can become so familiar that we stop noticing it altogether. It’s a bit like living in a house where a sinkhole has slowly been forming underneath. Everything looks fine on the surface until one day, the ground gives way - and we find ourselves overwhelmed, burned out, struggling with anxiety, or simply feeling numb.

Noticing When We’re Dysregulated

Part of looking after our mental and physical health is learning to notice when our nervous system is feeling stretched or overwhelmed.

Some signs we might be living in survival mode are:

• Tense muscles or jaw

• Finding it hard to relax, even in safe situations

• Feeling jumpy or easily startled

• Trouble sleeping

• Racing thoughts

• Feeling numb or disconnected

• Reacting strongly to small stresses

Sometimes these feelings become so normal that we don’t realise we’re stuck in high alert until our bodies or emotions hit a crisis point.

This is why it can help to start checking in with ourselves and listening to the quieter signals our body gives us - a tight chest, clenched fists, shallow breathing. These little clues can tell us when we might need to pause and take care of ourselves before things build up.

Gentle Ways to Support the Nervous System

Getting out of survival mode isn’t always as simple as taking a few deep breaths or going for a walk. Those things can be helpful, but for many people, especially those who’ve lived with stress or trauma for a long time, it can feel impossible to relax, even when trying calming techniques.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing or doing anything wrong. It means your nervous system has learned to stay on guard to keep you safe. It can take time and gentle support to help it feel secure enough to soften.

If you’re feeling stuck, it can help to start small. Tiny shifts can make a difference, even if only for a few moments at a time.

Here are some gentle ways to help your nervous system feel more settled:

• Look around the room. Notice colours, shapes, or textures. Remind yourself you’re in a safe place.

• Use touch to ground yourself. Hold something soft or warm, like a blanket or a mug. Notice the feel and temperature.

• Name what you’re feeling. simply saying “I’m noticing tension in my chest,” can help reduce overwhelm.

• Move gently. Roll your shoulders, stretch, or sway side to side if sitting still feels too much.

• Create small moments of safety. Wrap up in a blanket, spend time with a pet, imagine a place that feels safe and calm, or listen to music that soothes you.

• Support your vagus nerve. Simple things like humming, singing quietly, splashing cool water on your face, or letting out a slow, gentle sigh can help your body feel calmer. If focusing on your breath feels overwhelming, it’s okay to skip breath-work or keep it very simple, like letting out a soft exhale.

• Set boundaries to reduce overwhelm. It can help to step back from social media, say no to conversations that drain you, or create quiet time for yourself. Sometimes supporting our nervous system is less about doing more, and more about giving ourselves permission to do less.

Often, what helps us most is connection. Talking with someone we trust, or just being near someone who feels safe, can help our nervous system find its way back to steadiness.

Healing Takes Time

If you’ve been in survival mode for a long time, you’re not alone. It can feel as though change is impossible, but even small steps can help you feel more at home in your body and in your life again.

Healing the nervous system isn’t about never getting stressed, it’s about helping your body learn that it’s safe to come back into balance.

Even if all you can manage today is to pause and ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?”, that’s a meaningful start.

Take care and be gentle with yourself. x